she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
