My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
