I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
