i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
