Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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