i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
