Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
