Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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