btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
