i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
