I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
