just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
