So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
