Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
