Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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