in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
