Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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