I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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