Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
