Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
