i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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