I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
