I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize