You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
