Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
