remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
