I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
