Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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