True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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