i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Everyone says I win the strip club
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm always down for nudity.
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