You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
