so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
