wakey wakey hands off snakey
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
