I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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