Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize