At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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