No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
