Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
