He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just google imaged poop.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
