Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
