I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
