handjob tips. give me some.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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