just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
