I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
