went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
vagina is talking i cant
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
