We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
