that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
