omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
