But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
