I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm both gender and math confused
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