God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
