If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
