Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
