i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
