i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm both gender and math confused
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
