Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize