i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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