He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
