Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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