Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
