Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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