yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
