I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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