she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
