Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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