HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
