Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
