I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
