Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize