I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
