the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
