yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize