matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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