Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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