I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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