matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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