Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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