You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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